Oh Nanny! How we miss you!

Oh Nanny - 13 years have come and gone since you left us so unexpectedly that Tuesday evening!  Tears still flow today over how much we miss you and how we wish we could hear your voice again on the really hard days down here.

So much has happened in those 13 years - some good and some bad!  Some I wished you were here to see and some of it I am so glad that you were not here to see or experience!

Some of the good - Ashley and Alex (Lex as we call him now) are both college graduates - happy and healthy!  Ashley is married to a fine former marine and she is career minded  (a little like her mom); they live in a beautiful home and they are both Christians -which means you will see them again!  Oh and did I tell you just how beautiful she is both inside and out! 

Lex is still single and lives a good life - still the kind hearted little boy you loved so much!  He is quick to feel for others and worries a little too much sometimes (kinda like you did).  He is a Christian as well and what a privilege it was to be there when he became one and there is no better peace on this earth than knowing that they both will spend eternity with Jesus and you and me!

Heather and Holly are both moms now - kind moms with gorgeous girls!  Zoey is Heathers and will be starting school this fall.  Emily and Addison belong to Holly and they precious as well!  Katelyn is 16 and driving now - where did the time go?  Seems like she was just a baby but she too is growing into a fine young woman.

Mom has left Midfield - we tried her living with me but that did not work very well for her.  She was not happy in my house so she is in an apartment in Montevallo - safe from the dangers of a city that was no longer what it was when we grew up.  I know she misses you so much!

Pam and Rusty are doing fine - they survived the terrible tornado that destroyed their house and they are stronger for it!  Bought another beautiful home - they are happy and healthy!

As you know, Ona and Nathan are there with you now - that was most difficult for us but truly we know they are in a better place.

Jesse and Robert are both no longer in Alabama - Robert is still in Arizona - living his life his way.  Jesse moved to the Philippines and will probably spend the rest of his life there playing music!  We still worry about them so much but God has a plan and we lift them up in prayer all the time.

As for me, I had no idea that the I would miss you so much especially as the kids left home and the house was empty.  My years last few years have been spent working and working and caregiving to Darryl who has had more than his fair share of illness.  Some days I just long to visit with you but I hold tight to the fact that soon we will all be together again. 

See you soon!  With ALL my love,

Laurel

 

 

 

 

Things NOT to say to a caregiver.....

I debated on writing this entry for a while now but I really believe that it needs to be said.  Let's get the disclaimers out of the way first -This is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings or to appear selfish.  I realize that people do not mean any harm with their questions or comments but please THINK before you speak.  The caregiver is more than likely exhausted already due to the demands of this world we live in and your comments may just do more harm than good...I have opened my mouth before and said things that I know have caused damage and wish that I had just take a moment to compose my thoughts before speaking but was too late.

What you may not fully realize is that the caregiver's life has completed changed as well as the one who has the chronic illness.  You see the caregiver is now fully the financial supporter, the grocery buyer, the in-house doctor/nurse, the communicator with family and friends, the pharmacist, the maintenance overseer, the scheduler of all appointments, the chauffeur, etc....all the while the caregiver still is very much a person who must adjust to changes in their own life.  Sounds exhausting - doesnt it?  It is....

So things NOT to say to caregiver....in no certain order.

1.  What did you do to deserve this or you must be doing something wrong in your life?  Really - I have had this said to me.....Seriously, does anyone deserve to be sick?  Does anyone deserve to battle chronic illnesses day in and day out for years????  I dont believe so.    I quickly added that person who spoke this question to me to my prayer list cause they just dont get it.

2.  When do you think he will get well? - Chronic illnesses rarely get well.  They may have good days but rarely is there healing on this earth from them.  So when do I think he will get well is not a question that I can even afford to ponder for a second....It is not what I think that matters.

3.  Have you taken him to the doctor?  Our calendars are FULL of doctor appointments - specialists in all areas of illness.... Our lives are consumed by doctors and tests and medications and doctors and tests and medications.

4.  Have you prayed about it?  Anyone who knows me knows that I am a praying woman....If the prayers were a phone conversation recorded by the Lord - I would be way over on my daily limits.....Prayer is the first, middle and the last thing we do.  If prayers alone could heal him - he would be healed.

5.  Why dont you smile like you used too?  If you had any idea how much our lives have changed in the past few years - you would appreciate the smile that I am forcing through.  That carefree person is gone and the caretaker is here - this is the new me.  On a good day the smile will be real and on a bad day it will be forced but I know that in this world we will have troubles....weeping endures for the night and joy comes in the morning... consider it pure joy for the trials you are experiencing.  Accept the smile that I am giving you - it is the BEST one I can do.

 

Ok rant over - thanks for listening!   I spend my day trying to encourage him, myself and others that better days are coming - I do believe that - sure wish I could know when they would be here.  However, I am so very thankful for the blessings of my life - the good and the bad.  While this is not the way I planned my future time here on this earth - this is my reality for now.  I intend to do the best I can to be the love of his life, the wife he needs, the financial supporter, the communicator, the scheduler, the inhouse doctor/nurse, etc.....the caregiver for as long as the Lord has planned.

To Mom with all my love!

To Mom with all my love!

As Mother's Day approaches this weekend, I am overcome with emotions and thoughts that need to be expressed so to the blog I come.  Bear with me - this could run in so many different directions but I will try to stay focused.

I have lived a good life - I have been blessed beyond measure to have been born into the family that I was and by the grace of God I am in a position to give back a little.  Let me explain,  my mother married my  father right out of high school which ended in divorce and she soon  embarked on a life long journey of hard work with little education and three children to raise alone.  She worked hard - we did not go without.  She sacrificed so that we could have what we needed and she spent her entire life just raising us.  We moved from place to place and she tried to make each one a home.  About 33 years ago, together she and I bought her first house.  She succeeded in making that house a home with everything that she had in her.  It served its purpose - she continue to raise my brothers and me in it, watched after her grandchildren in it, and cared for many a cats in it.  Time has not been good to the neighborhood or the home and it became obvious that she would have to leave.

This Mothers Day will find her in her new home - ours.  You see, this weekend she will be moving in.  For the first time in her adult life, she will not have to worry about something breaking, having enough money to fix it, or dealing with loneliness and spending holidays alone.  While life will not be perfect for her, it will be much better than she has ever had.

Mom - thank you for staying the course and raising me! I can't change that Jesse and Robert are not here but I can promise that I won't leave (unless the Lord calls me home).  Thank you for loving me and giving me the chance to give back just a little of what you gave.  A new chapter starts this Mothers Day! 

Welcome Home!  I love you!

A sword will pierce your very soul.

As a result, the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your very soul.”  Luke 2:35 

After several weeks of practicing in the role of Mary (mother of Jesus) for our Easter drama at church - The Mothers of the Cross - I am convinced that God was chiseling me throughout.   In the beginning, I worried that I could not portray well her as she searched for her son, watched in horror as he was beaten, cried till there were no more tears, the reality that her son was going to die and in the cruelest way possible, the humility and desperation that took her breath away.   But gradually my worries gave away to fear of disappointing the director (a lovely lady who penned the story late one night); fear of this not being believable to those watch; fear that I would be forever changed. As I went deeper into the character - questions flooded my mind.  How did she live through that?  At what point was she able to process what had happened?  Truly a sword pierced her soul just like it Simeon had said it would.

Each time we practiced together or as I did alone and the new questions and thoughts flooded my mind and the tears flowed freely.  The pain was tremendous and I was only playing a part....I can't explain it but it was  without a doubt the most difficult scene in my life.

Did I just say that?  The most difficult experience of my life???  Really??  I am no stranger to difficulties - growing up without a dad; poor; numerous bad decisions that led to relationships that I show not have been in; a broken marriage; Darryl's illness; Darryl's job loss;  loss of loved ones; watching ambulance pull out of the driveway; 7 hospitals stays in less than a year; etc, etc, etc.

Yes it was the most difficult experience of my life and yet it was the most profound one as well.  You see God was working on me throughout the entire process - tearing down walls that I had put up to prevent myself from getting hurt any longer.  You see there was NO WAY that I could portray Mary in that heart wrenching moment if I had the walls up protecting me from the pain. 

Last Sunday night at Wilton Baptist Church in front of a packed crowd - the pain was real, the tears were real, the desperation was real, the soul piercing was real and for the first time in my life I truly understood pain.

Now my pain was a direct result of my choices, my sins, my human faults  but Jesus' pain was simply because He loved me (and you) enough to die for us.  Plain and simple - horrible conditions and excruciating  to watch - He loved us enough to be the sacrifice to atone for our sins...

He suffered, bled, and died.... but three days later HE ROSE!  Thank you Jesus for your love for me and for your willingness to die and rise again for me!

I am forever changed!

For those that might be interested in watching....here is the link to the video.  The Mothers of the Cross

 

 

God is good all the time.... even when it hurts!

The older I get the more I realize how short our time is here.  Now I am not saying anything that anyone else has not said before but WOW - life truly is but a vapor!  Death hurts, mourning hurts, illnesses hurt, injustice hurts but God is GOOD all the time.

Today, my uncle stepped his final step into glory.  His battle over the last few months has been a hard one and I am thankful for a merciful God who made his transition a peaceful one.  I can only imagine the joy that he felt when he was restored to healthy and made his way to see our Lord and then his wife, and his mother and dad....Oh the tears of joy he must be experiencing is almost beyond my comprehension.

It is those who are left behind that most now deal with the overwhelming what-if, the empty chair at holiday dinners, the memories, the pain of losing someone you love.  Our family has not experienced death much as we don't really have a large family so we don't have a lot of practice letting go of those we cherish.

My heart is breaking for his son and wife who will now have to deal with the reality of not getting here in time and being able to say physically say goodbye.  For my aunt who has been his caretaker and overseer for last few months, tears flow freely.

My heart is breaking for my mother( the oldest of the three) is an amazing woman - She has watched as her dad and mom were buried and now will stay strong for her brother to take his place by them.  No one has prayed for my uncle more these last few months than my mom.  She is grieving in all kinds of ways - two sons that she has not seen in years (and may never see again) and a lifestyle change of leaving her home of 30+ years is right around the corner.

And for the rest of us - holding on to our memories and realizing that life is but a vapor - live love and laugh.  But most of all, if you believe in Jesus Christ and accept him as our your Lord and savior - you too can rest in the knowledge that God is good all the time and one day you will be reunited with your loved ones who believed the same thing!

This is perhaps the last photo taken of him....this was good day! Rest in peace Uncle Nathan - we love you and we miss you but we will see you again soon!

10 things I learned and/or lived in 2013

What I learned in 2013....

1.       I am in control of NOTHING.

2.       I am a better person when I am broken.

3.       Pruning hurts.

4.       Choosing to believe makes things bearable.

5.       Life does not get easier when the kids are grown.

6.       God is a magnificent artist.

7.       I have too much stuff.

8.       Life can change in a second - take nothing for granted.

9.       Love is not earned.

10.   God is not through with me yet or else I would be home.

 

I Choose to BELIEVE

I  choose to believe.

 

When the weather forecast is bleak and the rain continues and it threatens our plans - I choose to believe it will stop.

When the hospital stays continue and become somewhat a normalcy in our household - I choose to believe that healing will come one day.

When I have cried so much that a river could form - I choose to believe that You will hold all my tears for safe keeping.

When a mother cries for her wayward child to come home - I choose believe that he/she will.

When a loved one is struggling to regain control of his/her life as they age - I choose to believe that they will find comfort and strength.

When all hope appears to be lost - I choose to believe that better days are coming.

 

Is it easy to choose to believe?  No - No - NO.  Satan loves to attack my mind when circumstances down here are bad; when I am so tired that I cant see or think; when I have no words left to pray; when I feel alone among family and friends.  I force myself to choose to believe!

I believe that Jesus Christ came to earth as a child - born of a virgin - in a manger some 2000 years ago.  I believe that he died a cruel death on a cross and it was ugly, disgusting and it was all for us.  I believe that Jesus carried the weight of all my sin that day and I believe that He rose from the dead to give me eternal life with Him. I believe that He loves me unconditionally and more than anyone else ever could.  I believe that He ascended into heaven and my mansion will be ready when my time comes.

 

But mostly importantly - I choose to believe that he is coming again - one day to get me!  And from that day forward - no pain, no tears, no heartache, no illnesses, no famine,   So until that time - stay away from me Satan - you have tried and tried - you can't steal my joy nor my soul.  I am a child of the one TRUE God in whom I place all my beliefs.

Where is God?

Where is God?




All this tragedy in the world today – one could easily lose their minds with worry over all that has gone on it just 2013 alone – rising prices, government shutdown, obamacare, death of loved ones , illnesses, loneliness, dementia, accidents, job loss, wars and rumors of wars, feeling of pending doom around every corner….So where is God?

He is….

• Painting the beautiful sunrises and sunsets we have seen lately

• Showing us abundant vivid rainbows in the last few weeks

• The sparkling twinkle in a friends eyes after several months of no contact

• The phone call from a friend when you need it most

• The love of a dog that reminds us it is conditional

• A hug and a tear that makes compassion more than an emotion

• Sleepless nights filled with prayer and scriptures

• Still in the miracle business after an accident

• Blessing planning meetings with laughter and fellowship

• The potter that never tires of the clay – no matter how broken or worn it is

• Collecting every tear I cried

• With me always even to the ends of the earth

Thank you Lord for making your presence known even in the unstable times!

If I could save time in a bottle....

Anyone remember that song by Jim Croce - If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I'd like to do is save everyday till eternity passes to spend them with you.....Well if I could save time in a bottle - I would save this past Sunday - Mothers Day 2013.

What a gorgeous day the Lord gave us - the weather was fabulous - sunny and warm with a breeze.  Both my children were in church with me along with Mom and Darryl - that in itself was so much more than I deserved.  After coming out of the worst week ever, I cannot put into words the emotional comfort I received this Mothers Day.

For a few hours - all the world was good, there was nothing worrying me, there was no pain, there was no panic in my stomach, there was simply joy - Joy that I was able to worship with my family, Joy that I still have my precious mother, Joy that both my kids were home, Joy that Ashley found the love of her life, Joy that we have a place to call home, Joy that we laughed and cried, Joy that Darryl felt well enough to sit with us at the table for a dinner, Joy that comes in the morning as the Lord promises.....

If I could save time in a bottle - moments like this is what I would save.  They are few these days but when they come - they arrive in grand fashion and this Mom is so grateful for the few hours that she was allowed to be normal!

As quickly as the the moments came,  they left and life returned to normal....but there is coming a day when the wonder of this day will be insignificant in milestones when we are all in heaven together!

For now though - it is moments like this that I thank the Lord for renewed hope, strength, and courage to face what lies ahead!  Thank you Lord for blessing me so!

The Last Time

If I had known that it would be the last time I would have…..

• Memorized every second so that I could replay it over and over
• Savored it so much more
• Relaxed
• Took a little more time to bask in it
• Bottled the passion in a room in my heart for safekeeping
• Made sure that he knew that he knew that there was no better
• Not taken it for granted

This may be the end of the chapter but definitely not the end of the story!

The Lord gives and takes away and still I will say ‘Blessed be the name of the Lord!”

Laughter to stop the tears!

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, my beautiful daughter Ashley got engaged to her longtime boyfriend Mike!  Yeah for them!!!!  So excited for their future life together and all of the possibilities that it holds! 

Now the fun begins....every mom has dreams for their daughters wedding - every daughter has dreams for their big day...oh the fun, fun, fun!  So why the tears????  Could it be that the precious little girl that I gave birth to 26 years ago is grown now, could it be that she will be gorgeous in that gown as she walks the aisle, could it be that she is opening a door that requires maturity and dedication that she cant begin to imagine until she walks through that door, could it be that Nanny wont be here to see what she always wanted, could it be hormones???  Who knows??

So I have decided to make every effort to stop the tears by LAUGHING....yes Laurel Burns said by LAUGHING.... so if you see me - tell me a joke, if you email me - please make sure to include something funny, if you hug me - smile and laugh with me.

So the plan for the weekend after the dress shopping is done and Lex has moved all of his items from his room ....watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation and LAUGH!  Play with DD (devil dog) aka Georgia Rose and LAUGH!  Tell Coach Burns a joke....haha that is a laugh itself!!!  Spend Sunday with a bunch of youth from church and LAUGH (they always make me laugh at the things they say)....

If you have any other ideas....let me know.....otherwise I may have to buy stock in Kleenex!

To get the laughter started for today.....hope you enjoy this silly silly Christmas song a friend at work has gotten me stuck on!
Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey



La la la lal....yehaw...yehaw...it's Dominick the donkey!!!!

A pot of soup, a holiday meal and leaf blowing....

Each year at VBS we teach the children to watch for God.  We give them bracelets to wear that say just that.  We ask them everyday what their God sighting was and we get some generic answers sometimes but sometimes we get real ones also!

This Thanksgiving holiday found our household in our usual condition of illness - Coach Burns, while still recovering from knee replacement in early September, somehow contacted the flu virus.  Even though he had a flu shot, this nasty little bug did quite a number on his well being.  By Tuesday of Thanksgiving week it was decided that we would be spending Thanksgiving Day home alone....Now that may not seem like a big deal to you but truly it was to me.  You see I stay so busy working to supplement the loss of income from Coach Burns that I dont have a whole lot of time to visit with family and friends.  Thanksgiving, however, has always been a day of just good food, good fun, visiting and catching up...... except this year homebound with my partner who did not even feel like talking much less celebrating...

Let the pity party begin....so not like me but somethimes you just cant help it!  Sometimes you just cant get past the what if or how come or if only...  Thankful - yeah right??  Sure I am thankful for all that the Lord has blessed me with BUT a little part of me was resentful and angry and sad and lonely.....Satan was in my head and look out - Laurel Burns was weak and tired and tired and weak...to get thru this four day holiday help would have to come.

So I started to watch for God.....please God show yourself to me somehow...reassure me that you love me and that this is temporary....

The first God sighting came on Tuesday night when a sweet sweet lady friend of mine who offered me an entire crockpot full of soup that she had made.  My friend is a wonderful cook, a blessing to all who know her and the Lord uses her daily to show his love.  I admire her so much that I overflow with emotion to think that she thinks of Coach Burns and I as much as she does!  The crockpot full of chesseburger soup was enough for my office at work on Wednesday and we enjoyed a fellowship dinner together - something that does not happen much in our office.  Thank you God for showing yourself to me through Ms. Myra Stewart!

The second God sighting came on Thanksgiving Day when our pastor and his wife prepared and brought us Thanksgiving Dinner complete with cranberry sauce and all the trimmings!  I had planned on getting take out from Cracker Barrel for Thanksgiving dinner but once again God showed his love for us through this family that has blessed us for three years now with their friendship, their love and their prayers!  They go through so much pastoring a church and their compassion and love never ceases to amaze me.  I thank God for them and I am blessed to have them in my life! I believe I saw a Coach Burns smile when he ate his dinner - first one I have seen in a LONG time!  Thank you God for Brother Greg and Amory and for showing me that even on holidays sometimes non blood family is truly family!

The next sightings were brought to me through my longtime friends who there simply are not enough words to describe.  On Black Friday, I normally shop with daughter but she was out of town (getting engaged - imagine that -Wahooooooo!!!) so my dear sweet friend Sheila and I went treasure hunting - we spent the morning together and it made my soul dance!  She is without a doubt an angel - we had an great time treasure hunting and the treasure we found was priceless - time spent with friends cant be bought! Thank you Lord for sending Ms Sheila Hogge to lift my spirits and enjoy the day - I know that the Lord has used her time and time again to help me - she is a treasure!

And finally, leaf blowing....anyone who know where I live understands that we have more pinestraw and leaves than we have dirt and grass....always!  Coach Burns has not been able to keep up with the yard work for a couple of years now - we have done just enough to get by.  Sometimes me, sometimes Lex, but mostly it just gets neglected.  Yesterday after church, I made the comment at lunch that I was going home to blow leaves because the driveway was deep deep deep and it was dangerous to anyone who walked out there - not to mention the cars were skidding as you went in and out of the drive.  God sent his faithful servant Chuck Hogge to blow the leaves with a kind heart and a caring spirit and friendly love that was none other than that of Jesus....He quickly volunteered with a smile and an attitude that was contagious!  Instead of napping between services, he and his lovely wife spent the afternoon with me!  While he worked, we chatted and what a beautiful job he did!  No words can describe the friendship - tears of appreciation for all that the Hogge's have helped me through - they are pure angels sent to help me on this path that has been placed before me....Thank You Lord for blessing me with them!!! 

Jesus said “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35


I believe that Jesus knows that Myra Stewart, Greg & Amory Sellers, and Chuck & Sheila Hogge are his disciples!  Thank You Lord for letting me see the love!

A new chapter....

Today we start a new chapter in our lives and I am excited.  Weeks ago, I never thought I would say those words again unless perhaps it was my time to leave this earth and meet my savior.  But that is another story for another day!

What a year 2012 has been for our household - loss of our two precious babies (Levi aka Lil Ball Boy and Annabelle) within 4 months of each other; Coach Burns job loss and disability at such a young age; total knee replacement just 4 weeks ago for him and the pre-cancerous cells for me only serve as a reminder that not all days are going to be good ones. 

Throughout all of our earthly circumstances - the Lord has comforted us with His undying love and His ability to send friends and loved ones to walk with us through the dark times.  We are forever thankful for the love that He has given us and for the folks that He has used to help us along. We would be so lost with Him and His people!

But today is a GOOD day!  Today we embark on a new adventure with a special "unconditional love bug"-   A seven week old brownish red English bulldog that will bring new exciting life back into our household. 

As I get ready to leave to make the trip to pick her up - a few tears for those we are missing cant help but flow.  Oh the memories are so precious!  Life down here will be exciting again and perhaps a little easier because of a new little angel to love!

Here are a few photos that the breeder has sent us!

 

My heart just hurts....

I really cant find any words to express what I am feeling other than I hurt.  Plain and simple - I hurt - my hearts hurts for some many reasons right now.  Perhaps writing it down will help.

My hearts hurts:

• My sweet sweet Annabelle is not  here physically with us.  What a beautiful experience she was and yet I hurt at my selffishness for wanting her here even tough her physical body could not take being here any longer.
• The love of my life is not on the sidelines for the first time in 17 years - that is where he longs to be and my heart hurts for him. 
• One knee surgery already and now total knee replacment - my heart hurts for the pain in his body and for his emotion well being during this difficult time.
• Lil Ball Boy was taken from us way too soon and my heart hurts for that.
• Emptynest has a whole new meaning now and my heart hurts.
• Our house is too quiet and my heart hurts.
• My aging body and a routinue procedure reminds me that I am not invicible and my days are numbered and time is precious - my heart hurts.
• Our nation is under attack by its own people and the younger generation no longer center around the Lord and my heart hurts.
• I am tired, so tired, so weary and yet I have to be strong one, the decision maker, the reliable one, the constant and yet my heart HURTS.

So what do I do and where do I go?  Where can I go but to the Lord?  Only HE can truly understand what I am feeling and will listen without judging me.  Perhaps I am being selfish - I dont know but I need rest - the kind that only HE can give!

Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore

In all things, in all times, no matter what - I will trust in the Lord.  Rest will come if not during my time down here, then in the eternal life with Him.  May I keep reminding myself that this is NOT my home....There is coming a day....no tears, no hurts, no pain....Come quickly Jesus!

Phone call to the Bridge...

Hello Arthur and Levi!!

I can only imagine all the fun that the two of you have been up to!  By now, you should be adjusting Lil Ball Boy and having the time of your life playing all day with that silly ball!!!  I just know that the two of you are the best of friends!!!

Life down here is crazy as always - oh how we miss you guys!  Not a day goes by that we don't talk about the fun and the love we shared!!!  Life was never dull where you were in our house!  I can still see you Arthur turning your head sideways just to make us laugh and you Lil Ball Boy - daring me to chase with that favorite ball of yours!

Well we have a surprise for you - today Annabelle is coming to live with you!  Now you know how this little momma is - always the momma and always protecting those she loved!  She has stayed down here longer than her diseased body should have but in her stubbornness - she would not leave us!  She loved us that much!!  Even today - she would still stay despite the pain but that look in her eyes tells us to let her go.

So today we will help her and it will not be easy - just like losing the two of you was not easy and still is not easy - did I tell you how much we miss you? 

Please do me a favor - wait for her!  Greet her with bulldog kisses and butt wiggles!!  She wont know how to act in a new painfree body!  Don't forget to dance - remind her to shake it shake it girlfriend!!!!

No tears there!!  We will cry the tears here(seems like a flood already) and never forget we love you!

See you soon!!!

Love, Mom

Do unto others....

I have always considered myself to be a likeable person.  I know for a fact that I am dependable and loyal.  I love my Lord, my family, my friends, my church, my dogs, my jobs - ALL of whom I cant thank the Lord enough for.

However, when someone boldly lies to me  - it hurts - bottom line.  It makes me wonder what I did or why I deserve this?  After all does not the Bible say - “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you." Matthew 7:12

As I have pondered this situation the last few days, I have come to the conclusion that there is always going to be folks that dont like me...friends that are not really friends....people that are going to hurt me with their lies and gossip...this is the life that we live down here.

The Bible tells me to turn the other cheek - hard to do but I will try after all I am a Christian who is striving to live the way that Jesus wants me to live.  And come to think of it, why would I expect people to treat me fairly when they treated Him so cruely...after all He is the Savior of the world - the KING of eternal life and people lied about Him, lied to Him, and crucifed Him. 

But the story did not end there - HE AROSE.  HE forgave and continues to do so.  In my humbleness, I will do so also.  Despite the human side wanting revenge....I vow to pray for the ones that feel the need to lie and spread gossip without knowing the facts.  I will pray for a forgiving heart for myself and conviction of heart for those who are with their careless words.

Sign me....FORGIVEN and THANKFUL to know who my TRUE FRIENDS are.

Prepare the fields…..broken knee.

Perhaps the best movie of all time – Facing the Giants – uses this scenario to remind Coach Taylor not to give up! - The story is about 2 farmers who needed rain. Both prayed for rain. But only one of them went out to prepare his fields to receive it.


Which one do you think trusted God to send the Rain?

The answer: The one who prepared his fields.

Big Question: Which one are you?

God will send the rain when He is ready. All you do is to prepare your fields to receive it.

We serve a God that opens doors no one can shut. He shuts doors where no one can open. In Revelations 3, God said, "I have placed for you an open door that no one can shut. I know you dont have much strength yet you have kept my word and did not deny My name. Keep a tight grip with what you have so no one can distract you and steal your crown. I will keep you safe in the time of testing."

God is not through with you. Until He is to move you, you are to bloom where He planted you. Prepare for Rain!!!!

So all summer long Coach Burns has been working out and running – determined to be in the best physical shape possible for someone with his conditions. Determined to be ready for the open door for the next chapter. Several times I cautioned him not to overdo or to take it easy and each time I was told – Got to prepare the fields!

On Wednesday a week ago, he felt a pain (different from the normal pain he feels every day in his legs and feet) and knew that something was wrong. Doctors visits, XRays, and MRI later – Coach Burns knee is broken in two places – according to the doctor the kind of break that comes from a major trauma – car accident, fall, etc. None of which happened to Coach Burns. Could this be the results of years of medications to fight the ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis beginning to take its toll on the bones?

Tomorrow he will have surgery to repair the damage and perhaps we will have some answers as to what is fully going on with it. I wont go into the worst case scenarios that we have fears of but will ask that you pray for us in this new chapter of our lives. We are trusting in the Lord and know that HE alone will provide the peace and understanding and comfort/healing that we so desperately need.

Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint;
heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony. Psalm 6:2

What do you do with a general when he stops being a general?

What do you do with a general when he stops being a general?

Remember this song in the movie “White Christmas” – I love that movie! However, never before have I sympathized as much with general as I do now. He was good man! He devotedly gave of his time, his talent and his physical being to a cause that he believed in. Then he was released to start a new life – perhaps one that he did not know how to start nor was he sure that he wanted.

Well that really parallels with our real life now. You see as long as I have known Coach Burns – he has been a football coach. He has been a mentor to young men. He has pushed them, loved them, screamed and yelled at them, prayed for them, challenged them, motivated them, pulled them, disciplined them, shared the gospel with them, laughed with them, danced with them, cried with them and gave 100% to them even when his own physical health would suffer for it.

Unless the Lord provides a miracle soon, for the first time in 16 years – Coach Burns will not be on the sidelines or in the locker room or in the classroom doing what he loves to do – coach. Why? What a difficult question to answer and my opinions on that do not matter in the grand scheme of things. Is life down here fair? Absolutely not. Does he deserve this? Absolutely not. Is he used up? Absolutely not.

It is times like these when I cry out to the Lord to help me understand and to give me a peace about it so that I may help him understand and have peace also. When someone you love is hurting – you hurt. When you are up on the mountain – everyone wants to be there with you! When you are down in the valley and you feel worthless and weak – where is everyone- especially those who have been with him throughout the years?

I know that the Lord is not finished with Coach Burns yet – Only HE can see the big picture – I just pray that HE gives us the strength and the courage to wait for it, the peace that surpasses all understanding to deal with the wait, the forgiveness we need for the anger and hurt we feel, the ability to see HIS will in all of this and most of all the LOVE that HE continues to have for us despite our disbelief at times.

What on earth?

Normally, words come easily for me.  However, today I find myself without the words to express so desperately what my head needs to release....bear with me please.!

WHAT ON EARTH is happening here?  Shooting in Tuscaloosa a couple of weeks ago, the Colorado massacre while folks are watching a movie, our president comes out in support of gay marriage, unemployment is staggering (177 teachers apply for one job), fraud is everywhere, human trafficing is the new slave issue, drugs are everywhere, politicians are more worried about their own pockets than what is best for our country.....the list goes on and on....ENOUGH ALREADY!

WAKE UP AMERICA - we are headed down a path of total destruction!  We are reaching the point of no return!  In the good ole USA, we have not been persercuted for our faith yet but that is quickly on the horizon if we dont stand up for the principles that this country was founded on....Where are you men of courage?  Where are you Proverbs 31 ladies?

Get out your bibles - READ!  PRAY! READ!  PRAY!!

"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. ⁵ Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place." Revelation 2:4

"I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. 2 Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God. 3 Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; hold it fast, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you."
 Revelation 3:1-3

Father  please forgive us! 

Trust God!

Well it is VBS (Vacation Bible School) week at Wilton Baptist Church and as always I agree to participate.  I like VBS but I must tell you that it is not my favorite thing to do....I know that the Bible commands us to have faith like a child but it has always been a little hard for me to relate to being a child...a story for another day.  Anyway VBS is geared strictly towards teaching, playing, singing, dancing, eating, and just having fun with children - I get that and I can do that with the help of the Lord.

For the past few years, I have somehow ended up on the drama team -how that happened - I don't know...I mean really I am a middle aged old woman who is about as exciting as a sleeping bulldog....but anything for the children - right?  Last night was my drama performance which consisted of the beginning of the cruel treatment of Jesus from the arrest to the beating to the trial to Pilate washing his hands of the whole situation....I have been battling the crud all week -truly feeling terrible - but TRUSTING GOD - that he would speak through me and the drama would go on.    And God did just that and praise the Lord - despite my physically aliments - the Wild Bible Adventure for night 3 was ALL GOD and NO LAUREL!  Thank You Lord!!

This week the children are learning the following Bible points:
No matter who you are.......TRUST GOD!
No matter how you feel.......TRUST GOD!
No matter what people do...TRUST GOD!
No matter what happens......TRUST GOD!
No matter where you are......TRUST GOD!

So is this really just for the kids?  I don't think so!  Read those again - In all things TRUST GOD - Oh Lord sometimes my head just refuses to do this and what a wonderful reminder through a program geared towards children that it is for ME also.  I have attended many VBS' as a child and worked in VBS as an adult for years but never has one actually spoke to me like this...Perhaps it is because of these trials and tribulations that seem so horrible in my life right now....However, they cannot begin to compare to what my precious saviour when through those final hours and he always TRUSTED GOD.  Praise the Lord for Jesus!

I am humbly reminded  of the love He has for me and I am embarrassed in my weakness when my head battles with my heart I tend to lose sight of that.  I know that He will not give us more than HE can handle so here are the BBS (Burns Bible School) points for this week:

If this is the end of Coach Burns career............TRUST GOD!
If some friends  chose to ignore you..................TRUST GOD!
If monetary living circumstances are changed.....TRUST GOD!
If health issues don't go away.............................TRUST GOD!
If stress creeps in and times seem bleak.............TRUST GOD!
If you feel you cant go on..................................TRUST GOD!
If life down here seems unbearable...................TRUST GOD!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Lord thank you for Vacation Bible School and for continuing to teach me, reminding me and holding me tight!  I love you!