Levi - Day 5 Sunday morning

It is Sunday - a beautiful day in Alabama - a day of rest and worship - a day to enjoy the Lord and all he has blessed us with! Yet among all that - something is missing - Levi is not home! He is in a cage recieving fluids and antibiotics and seizure controlling meds - alone and alone. I am sure that he wonders what he did to be left there! Yet he did nothing wrong and neither did we...

We are good responsible dog owners - we feed them, we vaccinate them, we bathe them, we play with them, we talk to them - WE LOVE THEM - somehow - we do deserve this and neither does he....but LIFE down here is NOT FAIR.

Oh how we long to bring him home - to see him run chasing his ball, to see him snuggle as he gets ready to slumber the night away. Tomorrow will be another day of blood tests and level checking but no matter the results we are bringing him home - he needs to be with us and we need to be with him. We have made the decision - we know that 75% of his kidneys are not working and that is not changing keeping him in a cage so we are bringing him home.

Dont misunderstand me - we are going to continue to fight for his long term well being but we also believe that this little fellow needs to be loved by us in his home surroundings.

What will the next few days brings? A referral for an ultrasound to start with? A specialist? Maybe then we will have some answers - are his kidneys deformed? Does he have two kidneys? Do they look normal? Can we take one of them out? So many questions - praying for some answers!

This is new territory for us - never before have we had the need for a dog specialist and expensive treatment but now we open the door in order to gain answers and prolong his life!

We take the challenge backed with the love and support of our family, our friends, our facebook supporters and bulldog lovers everywhere! Thank you all for your prayers and your concerns and your encouragement! We are praying that each step of the way that the Lord will guide us because we cannot do it without him!

Show the way Lord to bring our Levi home- this we humbly pray in Jesus name! Amen!

Levi - the beginning of the end

Oh I dont know where to begin....Let me introduce you to our precious Levi, aka Little Bit, aka Ball Boy, aka Crazy. He is our 1 1/2 year old English Bulldog that is the full brother to Lil Ben (who is not so little) and he is the funniest bulldog we have ever owned! He loves to play with balls - he does not do the traditional catch and give back but he does everything with his ball. All you have to do is say - where's your ball and he knows exactly where he left it....

He is clumsy, he eats too fast, he steals toys, he loves attention, he hangs out on the stairs, he has stolen our hearts, he chases squirrels, he is so full of life and now...he is dying of kidney failure. How? Why? What? When?

Questions, questions and more questions - tests, tests and more tests. IV fluids, antibiotics, vets, vet techs, cages and nights away from home....waiting, waiting, waiting!

You heard me when I said he was 1 1/2 years old - not 10 or 8....He is just a baby and he should not be having these issues! Our hearts are broken and it is so very hard to think straight right now. Tears, tears, tears and more tears - we cant even talk out loud about him without sobbing!

According to our vets (who we think are the best and who have handled all our dogs since 2004) Levi is in acute renal failure. The blood work shows that approximately 75% of his kidney function is gone and will not recover. Imagine the shock on our faces before the tears started to fall. Just a few weeks earlier, he had gotten a clean bill of health on his yearly checkup.

So after days of fluids and antibiotics, he is not better. The numbers have not improved enough. What do we do now? How do enter this chapter of our lives? How long can he live? What about the quality of life? Why does this hurt so bad? Why do we feel so helpless?

The next few days will be full research and consultations and additional doctors and ultrasounds. We will document it all on this blog so if you are not an animal lover - you might not want to read my post going forward.

We are better people because we have been loved by a dog! Their love is unconditional and ever present! Their loyalty is like no persons. Even when sick, all they want to do is please their master. No one on this earth cares for us like the dog does - this love is the way God loves us - unconditionally always and forever. If you have never loved and been loved by a dog, I urge you to try it. You will be so blessed! You might even see the handiwork of God - we sure did!

Sweet dreams my little Levi - we are going to do everything we can to make the remainder of your life here on earth full of love and happiness with as little pain as possible! Thank you Lord for blessing us so and if it is your will, please heal our little buddy!
Lead the way Lord - our eyes are leaking and it is SO hard to see! You alone are God and we worship you in the good times and in the bad!

Turning the page....

To say that life has been difficult in our household over the last few years would be an understatement. To say that we are still blessed beyond measure would also be an understatement. So let me begin by praising God - who gives and takes away BUT never stops loving us.

Many of my postings have been sad lately - this is because I am sad. I know that the Lord tells us to rejoice in all things - I am trying. Believe me - I am trying to rejoice.

Rejoicing in this world is SO VERY HARD. We live in a cruel place. A place where working hard and doing your best does not get you any respect and basically places you as doormat for folks to continue to use you. A place where illness runs rampant and most folks dont care that you are ill or try to help you in any way.

I have been one of those folks in the past - one that is cold, uncaring and judgemental even but I have seen the error of my way. Lord please forgive me for not taking time to check in on folks that I know are hurting whether physically or emotionally. Lord forgive me for placing more stock in myself than I ever should....my stock is worthless without you Lord. Lord - thank you for breaking my heart to get me to see that it is NOT about me at all....

Joy comes in the morning

"The darkest hours means dawn is just in sight. Weeping only last for the night. Hold on my child...JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!"

I have been taking a walk down memory lane these past couple of days and my, oh my, what a year it has been for us! Life keeps throwing us curve balls and we are exhausted. So I thought that if perhaps I wrote most of it down - then the weeping will stop and JOY will come in the morning.

Life changes (that I would not have chosen for us)

Jesse leaving for the Phillippines - mother grieving so. Long distance relationship are just not the same as having one at home!

Darryl's health issues - I cant remember a day this past year that he was feeling well - three hospital stays and a body that will not cooperate any longer like he wants it too. Long suffering and pain - I wish that I could take it away from him.

Major house remodel due to damage from water - huge financial cost to us - with the latest whammy being a check due to the IRS...

Loss of our precious Arthur - during the midst of all the renovations - the very dog that God used to make us a family was taken from us. Oh how our hearts still ache.

Children leaving the nest - this day was always supposed to come but no lie it is hard. The house seems so quiet now.

Looking around our small life - changes have come in our health, our jobs, our church and church family, our home, our families...Some good, some really good, some bad, some really bad!

There are days when I petition the Lord to come on. Then I am reminded that is totally selfish of me. The Lord will come when He is ready and the time is right. He will not put more on us than we can handle and we will remain faithful!

Probably the most comforting verse in the bible to me during the bad times is this..
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Meanwhile.... in the midst of my trials....the Lord is at work! So we will remain faithful, we will praise and give thanks, and we will work until He returns!

No way!!! I'm 48???

OK now - quit playing tricks on me! I am not 48 today - surely I am still 24 or 25....After all, am I not still going strong - running with a million projects? Did I not just dance my heart out and my booty off (OK that is an exaggeration) to the Hustle Bustle as Tammy Naut Baum in the Christmas play? Seriously - when did I get middle age? There is no gray in my hair (thanks to my wonderful stylist)! No one can tell that my cute glasses are bifocals....really 48???? No way - I don't believe it!

I see me as........ wow I am getting old. I am 48 - I have grown children. I am a great aunt. Oh wait - I see wrinkles now - I have always called them love lines...not laugh lines as I got several of them through hard loving times! I see retirement in the future (NO WAY - this cant be on the horizon - not in 20 years)...

All kidding aside - I don't feel 48 (whatever that feels like). I do feel blessed and I must share with you the one thing that I know that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether I am 24 or 48 0r 96. Jesus Christ died for me - he is my personal saviour and I have the promise of eternal life with him!

It is my prayer that you know Him too! If you don't, I will be glad to share him with you! His promise is open to all no matter what your age is.

I want to see you in heaven with me - I will still be trying to convince you that I am not 48 and that I am much younger than my birthday reflects. You can laugh with me or at me but it wont matter which because you will be there in heaven with me and that is ALL that matters!!!

So for now - I will be 48 if you let me tell you about my Jesus!

Happy Birthday Lil Ben!

Wow - Lil Ben - you are two years old today! My my - you have seen so much in your two years here... You found a best friend when you came to live with us - Arthur more or less tolerated you but you loved him! All too soon, he departed this life unexpectedly and you were lost for a while! I will never forget the look on your face as you went room to room looking for him....and oh how we still miss him.

Then, we brought Samson home to stay with us - a 6 year old beautiful rescue. I was so sure that you would become best friends...little did I realize at the time that you were miserable from day one. You withdrew from us and anger became part of your everyday life...a side of you that we had not ever seen before. After all, you had always been a very loving dog. Still we tried everything to make our house a home again but you and Samson could not get along. Despite behavior modification and medicines, neither you nor Samson were happy. Things escalated and soon you guys were fighting all the time...we had to keep you seperated and still you tried to fight through the gates....Oh what a sad time that was too! The decision had to be made and it broke my heart for I loved Samson so much - but he was returned to rescue after almost four months- the best thing for him and still we hurt.

Samson has been gone almost a week now and finally I am beginning to see signs of the old Lil Ben return. Last night you even got in the bed for the first time in months and laid your head on my legs - just like you use to do. You have even started getting up with me each morning again - you will be happy again!

Lil Ben - you are a precious precious member of our family! We love you! Happy Birthday!!!!

Seems like yesterday...

Seems like only yesterday they were chasing each other through the house...laughing and squealing while playing hide & seek. Nanny did her best to keep the house straight but when Ashley and Alex played - look out...there was always a mess and there was always noise...lots of noise... Oh how I long for those days again.

And now the house is quiet - erie quiet. Their rooms are empty - most all of their stuff is gone and never have I felt so out of place in my own home. Is this the way a mom is supposed to feel when her children leave home to start their own adult lives? When does the mom realize that this is the new norm?

When did they grow up? When did I get old? I don't feel old - certainly I am still in my 20s aren't I? How did time pass so quickly? Seems like I blinked and they were grown....

Lord I pray that I have prepared them for this world! Lord I pray that you will keep watch over them as they attempt to conquer life for themselves. Lord I pray that you will keep them focused on your tasks and the future life in heaven. Lord I pray that they will always know that their mother loves them to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond; yesterday, today and tomorrow! Just like your love for us -endless, selfless and eternal - may they remember that you will always be there for them.

And one more thing, Lord, thank you for giving me two awesome kids - You have blessed me so much more than I deserve and I will be eternally grateful!

Now...this old mother will have to find something new to do...until such time that she is needed again.