Well with my soul.....

It is Sunday night about 10:00 pm and my house is so very quiet....Coach Burns is sleeping, Annabelle is sleeping, Lil Ben is sleeping and Levi is too....Quiet times like these are very scarce in our house! As I sit here typing, I hear the washing machine churning away with one of the multiple loads of the day...all is well at least for the moment.

Today we sang - "It Is Well With My Soul", a hymn that was written by a man in total despair over losing his family at sea - yet he found a peace to say it is well with my soul. Today on GFBC program - Bro. Kevin Hamm spoke of Job and all that he went through - none of which he brought on himself - yet he worshipped anyway.

To quote Beth Moore - sometimes you gotta praise first and feel it later! I have been there and done that. I have praised through the good times and the bad...I will continue to do so...One day - I pray that I will be able to say "it is well with my soul" while still on this earth...I am still a work in progress with a LONG way to go!

Tonight we sang my favorite song ever - What a day that will be
The words go like this:
There is coming a day,
When no heart aches shall come,
No more clouds in the sky,
No more tears to dim the eye,
All is peace forever more,
On that happy golden shore,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

There'll be no sorrow there,
No more burdens to bear,
No more sickness, no pain,
No more parting over there;
And forever I will be,
With the One who died for me,
What a day, glorious day that will be.

What a day that will be,
When my Jesus I shall see,
And I look upon His face,
The One who saved me by His grace;
When He takes me by the hand,
And leads me through the Promised Land,
What a day, glorious day that will be

Until He comes or takes me home, I pray this life down here can be well with my soul.

Levi and Listmaker Laurel

Yesterday Lil Ben had a complete bloodwork up because he was feeling bad - for those of you that don't know - Lil Ben is a full brother to Levi just a year and 1/2 older... Lil Ben is fine! Other than a little dehydration from a upset stomach - he is home and sleeping in his favorite chair as I type!

Levi got fluids tonight at the vets - Coach Burns and I were instructed on how to do this at home....hopefully we will be able to do it without much trouble. This leads us to our new life of meds and special diets and care!

In case you don't know, bulldogs are pretty high maintenance dogs to begin with - they need their wrinkles cleaned daily, theirs ears cleaned, their butts wiped, their eyes and noses care for.....we have a routine for this and they actually don't mind it at all...well except for Annabelle (she usually tries to sneak off)

Now we have to prepare special food for Levi - give meds every morning and every evening - some he likes - some he does not at all especially the liquid that taste like chalky mint...he fights when we have to give him this twice a day...

Now fluids - three times a week to start for three weeks - it will take both Coach Burns and I to do this - can we say quality time with a smile???

So how do we fit all of this into our busy schedule and not forget anything?? Well never fear Listmaker Laurel is here! I have already sat down tonight and marked up the calendar for the next month -making sure that Mr. Levi has all that he needs and we don't plan anything to conflict with his meds!

I knew one day that my obsession for list making would come in handy - now I know why! To everything there is a season.....praying for the next season in Levi's life to be as happy as possible!

Coming soon - Levi's Bucket List with the help of Listmaker Laurel.....laughing laughing laughing!

Darling...are you sure we are in St. Lucia?

Coach Burns and I have been planning a trip for our 10th anniversary for a while now...St Lucia - beautiful tropical island, sun, sand, water, gardens, food, relaxing, sleeping in, adventures - All inclusive - flying in from Atlanta.

We have spent countless hours looking at the resorts and the packages - dreaming of a week without a care in the world! Oh, just the thought of it makes me smile! We spend so much time working and working and being sick that we have willed our minds to break away if just for a few days....then something unexpected happened....

Levi got sick...not just a little sick but a oh no kind of sick....Just within the past week - we have already spent 1/3 of that trip on his vets bills and that is just the beginning. Tomorrow we go to learn how to give fluids at home so we will need supplies for that. Levi is on special food that you must buy with a prescription and that is not cheap either...Meds, Meds and more meds...You get the picture....

So darling - close your eyes and we are in St. Lucia right here from the comfort of our own home! I will light the tiki torches on the deck and fill up the dog's pool with clear water! You put on some beach music and I will make a delish dinner... Just listen to the waves....peace and quiet and love abides...what a treasure we have found - St Lucia has bulldogs too!!! Who could ask for anything more?

Levi - Day 8 - Dr. Jeykl and Mr.Hyde

Oh my Levi Malachi!!! We have officially entered into a whole new world of pet care! From all outward appearances - Levi is still just the cutest little bulldog that he has always been - a little mischevious and crazy eyed but calm and well behaved most of the time.....ALL of this has changed since the hospital stay - he now has that wild eye look pretty much all of the time he is awake.

We believe that the combination of all the meds he is on coupled with the kidney failure progressing that the little fellow is just coping the best way he can. However, lashing out at Lil Ben is not the answer - neither Levi or Lil Ben need to be fighting and not to mention the human that gets in the way....Monday it was me - last night it was Coach Burns. Both of us are sporting punctures and bruises that look pretty ugly.

We have addressed this with our vets and Levi started doggie valium last night for his tremors/shakes and he is hoping that will take the edge off of Levi's anixety. Sure wish that Levi could talk and tell us what to do - wouldnt that be fabulous??

So now we battle this terrible disease and we battle to get our household back to the peace that it once had. Behavior modification/training/specialist is not the best option for a dog that is not feeling good.... We hate to keep him from the other dogs but we are prepared to do so if the meds cant control his new urge to attack.

Levi gets meds every morning and more meds at night - restricted diet - and Friday we will start fluids at home everyday. His sleep patterns are also off due to the tremors waking him up...

Quality of life?? He still loves his ball, loves to be petted, loves to eat, still climbing stairs to be where everyone else is, still our precious Levi - until in the blink of an eye he displays his disgust with the fact that he is dying and starts fighting like a dog literaly.

Isnt he a lot like us? When we have had enough - dont we do what is natural to us? Scream, cry, get angry, hurt someone with words - all because we are in pain and we are self-asborded at the moment....Then the smoke clears and we are sorry for what we have done....Levi Malachi - we love you! We are going to love you through this!

Thank you Lord for showing me the error of ways through a little bulldog's pain! Give me the strength to be example you would have me to be! Thank you for loving me despite the meanness that I spew out so often.

Levi - Day 7 - Sunrises and Appetites

What a beautiful sunrise I saw this morning! God's painting is never the same from day to day and sometimes it is so exquisite that I just have to stare in amazement! Thank you Lord for this morning!

I am still not sleeping through the night - I have the urge to check on Levi several times - just to make sure he is resting comfortably. He had a difficult night last night - when he tries to sleep the tremors or shakes seem to wake him up once they start. I have discussed with the doctor and he says this is another sign of the renal failure - prescribing us something in the am to help him rest.

Amazingly though, he does not fight getting his meds - he gets quite a few each morning and each night now....he is such a good patient! We are seeing a sudden bit of violent behavior (fighting with Ben) that has not been an issue before...Could be side effects of the meds or he could just be acting out his frustrations - we are monitoring the situation and addressing with the doctor - cant have that happening! Prayer are needed as we try to regulate all that is going on in that little body!

Doctors have told us that we will know when the end is near - the appetite will fade, the excessive drinking of water will stop, the seizures will increase and his eyes will say LET ME GO..... However today is NOT that day!

Thank you Lord for Levi's starving appetite -what a refreshing sight to see today!!! We could not fill him up! Now he is sleeping soundly and all is well! Happy, full and resting - tonight we are not worried about tomorrow - we are just loving the moment and we could not ask for more. Thank you Jesus!

Levi - Day 6 - The Specialist - Sad Day

Before I begin my rant on how I feel tonight - let me first thank ALL the professionals that have ministered to Levi the last few days! Thank you to the doctors, the techs, the receptionists, and the cashiers - you all handled us with compassion and care - I saw the look in your eyes when you delivered the news that was not the news you wanted to deliver! Thank you Lord for blessing us with these folks - we saw your work through them...They loved us and they cared for us and they showed us compassion on the good days and on the bad ones!

The internal medicine confirmed the diagnosis of our vets. Levi's kidney issue is nothing that we could have prevented - it is congential - he was born this way! Bless his heart - all his life his kidneys have been functioning abnormally and all the other organs in his tiny body have been overcompensating for it. If only we had known, perhaps we could have started to control it medication earlier but the obvious signs (drinking too much water) were not anything that we knew to be on the lookout for - he always drank a lot of water.

Let me take a moment to say this also - our breeder who is also our friend - did not intentionally sale or breed a dog that was not 100% - She had no way of knowing either! Levi had a 100% clean bill of health when we got him - she is in NO WAY to blame for any of this! We love her and will continue to thank her for the blessings of Arthur, Lil Ben, Annabelle and precious Levi!

So now to how I feel tonight....SAD SAD SAD and SAD.... My heart is broken and my game face is gone....tears flow abundantly. We have the answers we were searching for and over the course of the next few days we will have a hospice plan in place to make the most of the next few days, weeks and perhaps (Lord willing) months.

No more words tonight! Just hugs and tears - the two seem to go hand in hand now

Levi - Day 5 Sunday Night! Praise the Lord for the little things!

WOW!!! We stand in amazement that we were allowed to bring Levi home tonight!!! Here is what happened - Levi's veins are blown and will not support an IV - they tried twice today to get it going again....Levi was restless in the cage - obviously bored with being caged up! When we got the call that we could come visit tonight - we were told that he had been given all his meds for the night and we could take him home if we promised to bring him back in the am!!!!

I dont know who was happier - Levi or us!!! What an unexpected blessing - we were bringing our baby home (if only for a little while)!!! Tomorrow will bring all the things that we talked about earlier today but for tonight - LEVI IS HOME!!!!

Thank you Lord for unexpected mercies!! Thank you for one more night of a little heaven here on earth! You must have know how bad we needed it....Thank you!

Levi has his ball and is sleeping soundly - Coach Burns is smiling and me - well tonight it is tears of joy and I could not ask for more....