My heart just hurts....

I really cant find any words to express what I am feeling other than I hurt.  Plain and simple - I hurt - my hearts hurts for some many reasons right now.  Perhaps writing it down will help.

My hearts hurts:

• My sweet sweet Annabelle is not  here physically with us.  What a beautiful experience she was and yet I hurt at my selffishness for wanting her here even tough her physical body could not take being here any longer.
• The love of my life is not on the sidelines for the first time in 17 years - that is where he longs to be and my heart hurts for him. 
• One knee surgery already and now total knee replacment - my heart hurts for the pain in his body and for his emotion well being during this difficult time.
• Lil Ball Boy was taken from us way too soon and my heart hurts for that.
• Emptynest has a whole new meaning now and my heart hurts.
• Our house is too quiet and my heart hurts.
• My aging body and a routinue procedure reminds me that I am not invicible and my days are numbered and time is precious - my heart hurts.
• Our nation is under attack by its own people and the younger generation no longer center around the Lord and my heart hurts.
• I am tired, so tired, so weary and yet I have to be strong one, the decision maker, the reliable one, the constant and yet my heart HURTS.

So what do I do and where do I go?  Where can I go but to the Lord?  Only HE can truly understand what I am feeling and will listen without judging me.  Perhaps I am being selfish - I dont know but I need rest - the kind that only HE can give!

Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore

In all things, in all times, no matter what - I will trust in the Lord.  Rest will come if not during my time down here, then in the eternal life with Him.  May I keep reminding myself that this is NOT my home....There is coming a day....no tears, no hurts, no pain....Come quickly Jesus!

Phone call to the Bridge...

Hello Arthur and Levi!!

I can only imagine all the fun that the two of you have been up to!  By now, you should be adjusting Lil Ball Boy and having the time of your life playing all day with that silly ball!!!  I just know that the two of you are the best of friends!!!

Life down here is crazy as always - oh how we miss you guys!  Not a day goes by that we don't talk about the fun and the love we shared!!!  Life was never dull where you were in our house!  I can still see you Arthur turning your head sideways just to make us laugh and you Lil Ball Boy - daring me to chase with that favorite ball of yours!

Well we have a surprise for you - today Annabelle is coming to live with you!  Now you know how this little momma is - always the momma and always protecting those she loved!  She has stayed down here longer than her diseased body should have but in her stubbornness - she would not leave us!  She loved us that much!!  Even today - she would still stay despite the pain but that look in her eyes tells us to let her go.

So today we will help her and it will not be easy - just like losing the two of you was not easy and still is not easy - did I tell you how much we miss you? 

Please do me a favor - wait for her!  Greet her with bulldog kisses and butt wiggles!!  She wont know how to act in a new painfree body!  Don't forget to dance - remind her to shake it shake it girlfriend!!!!

No tears there!!  We will cry the tears here(seems like a flood already) and never forget we love you!

See you soon!!!

Love, Mom

Do unto others....

I have always considered myself to be a likeable person.  I know for a fact that I am dependable and loyal.  I love my Lord, my family, my friends, my church, my dogs, my jobs - ALL of whom I cant thank the Lord enough for.

However, when someone boldly lies to me  - it hurts - bottom line.  It makes me wonder what I did or why I deserve this?  After all does not the Bible say - “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you." Matthew 7:12

As I have pondered this situation the last few days, I have come to the conclusion that there is always going to be folks that dont like me...friends that are not really friends....people that are going to hurt me with their lies and gossip...this is the life that we live down here.

The Bible tells me to turn the other cheek - hard to do but I will try after all I am a Christian who is striving to live the way that Jesus wants me to live.  And come to think of it, why would I expect people to treat me fairly when they treated Him so cruely...after all He is the Savior of the world - the KING of eternal life and people lied about Him, lied to Him, and crucifed Him. 

But the story did not end there - HE AROSE.  HE forgave and continues to do so.  In my humbleness, I will do so also.  Despite the human side wanting revenge....I vow to pray for the ones that feel the need to lie and spread gossip without knowing the facts.  I will pray for a forgiving heart for myself and conviction of heart for those who are with their careless words.

Sign me....FORGIVEN and THANKFUL to know who my TRUE FRIENDS are.

Prepare the fields…..broken knee.

Perhaps the best movie of all time – Facing the Giants – uses this scenario to remind Coach Taylor not to give up! - The story is about 2 farmers who needed rain. Both prayed for rain. But only one of them went out to prepare his fields to receive it.


Which one do you think trusted God to send the Rain?

The answer: The one who prepared his fields.

Big Question: Which one are you?

God will send the rain when He is ready. All you do is to prepare your fields to receive it.

We serve a God that opens doors no one can shut. He shuts doors where no one can open. In Revelations 3, God said, "I have placed for you an open door that no one can shut. I know you dont have much strength yet you have kept my word and did not deny My name. Keep a tight grip with what you have so no one can distract you and steal your crown. I will keep you safe in the time of testing."

God is not through with you. Until He is to move you, you are to bloom where He planted you. Prepare for Rain!!!!

So all summer long Coach Burns has been working out and running – determined to be in the best physical shape possible for someone with his conditions. Determined to be ready for the open door for the next chapter. Several times I cautioned him not to overdo or to take it easy and each time I was told – Got to prepare the fields!

On Wednesday a week ago, he felt a pain (different from the normal pain he feels every day in his legs and feet) and knew that something was wrong. Doctors visits, XRays, and MRI later – Coach Burns knee is broken in two places – according to the doctor the kind of break that comes from a major trauma – car accident, fall, etc. None of which happened to Coach Burns. Could this be the results of years of medications to fight the ulcerative colitis and rheumatoid arthritis beginning to take its toll on the bones?

Tomorrow he will have surgery to repair the damage and perhaps we will have some answers as to what is fully going on with it. I wont go into the worst case scenarios that we have fears of but will ask that you pray for us in this new chapter of our lives. We are trusting in the Lord and know that HE alone will provide the peace and understanding and comfort/healing that we so desperately need.

Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am faint;
heal me, LORD, for my bones are in agony. Psalm 6:2

What do you do with a general when he stops being a general?

What do you do with a general when he stops being a general?

Remember this song in the movie “White Christmas” – I love that movie! However, never before have I sympathized as much with general as I do now. He was good man! He devotedly gave of his time, his talent and his physical being to a cause that he believed in. Then he was released to start a new life – perhaps one that he did not know how to start nor was he sure that he wanted.

Well that really parallels with our real life now. You see as long as I have known Coach Burns – he has been a football coach. He has been a mentor to young men. He has pushed them, loved them, screamed and yelled at them, prayed for them, challenged them, motivated them, pulled them, disciplined them, shared the gospel with them, laughed with them, danced with them, cried with them and gave 100% to them even when his own physical health would suffer for it.

Unless the Lord provides a miracle soon, for the first time in 16 years – Coach Burns will not be on the sidelines or in the locker room or in the classroom doing what he loves to do – coach. Why? What a difficult question to answer and my opinions on that do not matter in the grand scheme of things. Is life down here fair? Absolutely not. Does he deserve this? Absolutely not. Is he used up? Absolutely not.

It is times like these when I cry out to the Lord to help me understand and to give me a peace about it so that I may help him understand and have peace also. When someone you love is hurting – you hurt. When you are up on the mountain – everyone wants to be there with you! When you are down in the valley and you feel worthless and weak – where is everyone- especially those who have been with him throughout the years?

I know that the Lord is not finished with Coach Burns yet – Only HE can see the big picture – I just pray that HE gives us the strength and the courage to wait for it, the peace that surpasses all understanding to deal with the wait, the forgiveness we need for the anger and hurt we feel, the ability to see HIS will in all of this and most of all the LOVE that HE continues to have for us despite our disbelief at times.

What on earth?

Normally, words come easily for me.  However, today I find myself without the words to express so desperately what my head needs to release....bear with me please.!

WHAT ON EARTH is happening here?  Shooting in Tuscaloosa a couple of weeks ago, the Colorado massacre while folks are watching a movie, our president comes out in support of gay marriage, unemployment is staggering (177 teachers apply for one job), fraud is everywhere, human trafficing is the new slave issue, drugs are everywhere, politicians are more worried about their own pockets than what is best for our country.....the list goes on and on....ENOUGH ALREADY!

WAKE UP AMERICA - we are headed down a path of total destruction!  We are reaching the point of no return!  In the good ole USA, we have not been persercuted for our faith yet but that is quickly on the horizon if we dont stand up for the principles that this country was founded on....Where are you men of courage?  Where are you Proverbs 31 ladies?

Get out your bibles - READ!  PRAY! READ!  PRAY!!

"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. ⁵ Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place." Revelation 2:4

"I know your deeds; you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. 2 Wake up! Strengthen what remains and is about to die, for I have found your deeds unfinished in the sight of my God. 3 Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard; hold it fast, and repent. But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief, and you will not know at what time I will come to you."
 Revelation 3:1-3

Father  please forgive us! 

Trust God!

Well it is VBS (Vacation Bible School) week at Wilton Baptist Church and as always I agree to participate.  I like VBS but I must tell you that it is not my favorite thing to do....I know that the Bible commands us to have faith like a child but it has always been a little hard for me to relate to being a child...a story for another day.  Anyway VBS is geared strictly towards teaching, playing, singing, dancing, eating, and just having fun with children - I get that and I can do that with the help of the Lord.

For the past few years, I have somehow ended up on the drama team -how that happened - I don't know...I mean really I am a middle aged old woman who is about as exciting as a sleeping bulldog....but anything for the children - right?  Last night was my drama performance which consisted of the beginning of the cruel treatment of Jesus from the arrest to the beating to the trial to Pilate washing his hands of the whole situation....I have been battling the crud all week -truly feeling terrible - but TRUSTING GOD - that he would speak through me and the drama would go on.    And God did just that and praise the Lord - despite my physically aliments - the Wild Bible Adventure for night 3 was ALL GOD and NO LAUREL!  Thank You Lord!!

This week the children are learning the following Bible points:
No matter who you are.......TRUST GOD!
No matter how you feel.......TRUST GOD!
No matter what people do...TRUST GOD!
No matter what happens......TRUST GOD!
No matter where you are......TRUST GOD!

So is this really just for the kids?  I don't think so!  Read those again - In all things TRUST GOD - Oh Lord sometimes my head just refuses to do this and what a wonderful reminder through a program geared towards children that it is for ME also.  I have attended many VBS' as a child and worked in VBS as an adult for years but never has one actually spoke to me like this...Perhaps it is because of these trials and tribulations that seem so horrible in my life right now....However, they cannot begin to compare to what my precious saviour when through those final hours and he always TRUSTED GOD.  Praise the Lord for Jesus!

I am humbly reminded  of the love He has for me and I am embarrassed in my weakness when my head battles with my heart I tend to lose sight of that.  I know that He will not give us more than HE can handle so here are the BBS (Burns Bible School) points for this week:

If this is the end of Coach Burns career............TRUST GOD!
If some friends  chose to ignore you..................TRUST GOD!
If monetary living circumstances are changed.....TRUST GOD!
If health issues don't go away.............................TRUST GOD!
If stress creeps in and times seem bleak.............TRUST GOD!
If you feel you cant go on..................................TRUST GOD!
If life down here seems unbearable...................TRUST GOD!

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.I will strengthen you and help you;I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

“Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Lord thank you for Vacation Bible School and for continuing to teach me, reminding me and holding me tight!  I love you!