Turning the page....

To say that life has been difficult in our household over the last few years would be an understatement. To say that we are still blessed beyond measure would also be an understatement. So let me begin by praising God - who gives and takes away BUT never stops loving us.

Many of my postings have been sad lately - this is because I am sad. I know that the Lord tells us to rejoice in all things - I am trying. Believe me - I am trying to rejoice.

Rejoicing in this world is SO VERY HARD. We live in a cruel place. A place where working hard and doing your best does not get you any respect and basically places you as doormat for folks to continue to use you. A place where illness runs rampant and most folks dont care that you are ill or try to help you in any way.

I have been one of those folks in the past - one that is cold, uncaring and judgemental even but I have seen the error of my way. Lord please forgive me for not taking time to check in on folks that I know are hurting whether physically or emotionally. Lord forgive me for placing more stock in myself than I ever should....my stock is worthless without you Lord. Lord - thank you for breaking my heart to get me to see that it is NOT about me at all....

Joy comes in the morning

"The darkest hours means dawn is just in sight. Weeping only last for the night. Hold on my child...JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!"

I have been taking a walk down memory lane these past couple of days and my, oh my, what a year it has been for us! Life keeps throwing us curve balls and we are exhausted. So I thought that if perhaps I wrote most of it down - then the weeping will stop and JOY will come in the morning.

Life changes (that I would not have chosen for us)

Jesse leaving for the Phillippines - mother grieving so. Long distance relationship are just not the same as having one at home!

Darryl's health issues - I cant remember a day this past year that he was feeling well - three hospital stays and a body that will not cooperate any longer like he wants it too. Long suffering and pain - I wish that I could take it away from him.

Major house remodel due to damage from water - huge financial cost to us - with the latest whammy being a check due to the IRS...

Loss of our precious Arthur - during the midst of all the renovations - the very dog that God used to make us a family was taken from us. Oh how our hearts still ache.

Children leaving the nest - this day was always supposed to come but no lie it is hard. The house seems so quiet now.

Looking around our small life - changes have come in our health, our jobs, our church and church family, our home, our families...Some good, some really good, some bad, some really bad!

There are days when I petition the Lord to come on. Then I am reminded that is totally selfish of me. The Lord will come when He is ready and the time is right. He will not put more on us than we can handle and we will remain faithful!

Probably the most comforting verse in the bible to me during the bad times is this..
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Meanwhile.... in the midst of my trials....the Lord is at work! So we will remain faithful, we will praise and give thanks, and we will work until He returns!

No way!!! I'm 48???

OK now - quit playing tricks on me! I am not 48 today - surely I am still 24 or 25....After all, am I not still going strong - running with a million projects? Did I not just dance my heart out and my booty off (OK that is an exaggeration) to the Hustle Bustle as Tammy Naut Baum in the Christmas play? Seriously - when did I get middle age? There is no gray in my hair (thanks to my wonderful stylist)! No one can tell that my cute glasses are bifocals....really 48???? No way - I don't believe it!

I see me as........ wow I am getting old. I am 48 - I have grown children. I am a great aunt. Oh wait - I see wrinkles now - I have always called them love lines...not laugh lines as I got several of them through hard loving times! I see retirement in the future (NO WAY - this cant be on the horizon - not in 20 years)...

All kidding aside - I don't feel 48 (whatever that feels like). I do feel blessed and I must share with you the one thing that I know that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether I am 24 or 48 0r 96. Jesus Christ died for me - he is my personal saviour and I have the promise of eternal life with him!

It is my prayer that you know Him too! If you don't, I will be glad to share him with you! His promise is open to all no matter what your age is.

I want to see you in heaven with me - I will still be trying to convince you that I am not 48 and that I am much younger than my birthday reflects. You can laugh with me or at me but it wont matter which because you will be there in heaven with me and that is ALL that matters!!!

So for now - I will be 48 if you let me tell you about my Jesus!

Happy Birthday Lil Ben!

Wow - Lil Ben - you are two years old today! My my - you have seen so much in your two years here... You found a best friend when you came to live with us - Arthur more or less tolerated you but you loved him! All too soon, he departed this life unexpectedly and you were lost for a while! I will never forget the look on your face as you went room to room looking for him....and oh how we still miss him.

Then, we brought Samson home to stay with us - a 6 year old beautiful rescue. I was so sure that you would become best friends...little did I realize at the time that you were miserable from day one. You withdrew from us and anger became part of your everyday life...a side of you that we had not ever seen before. After all, you had always been a very loving dog. Still we tried everything to make our house a home again but you and Samson could not get along. Despite behavior modification and medicines, neither you nor Samson were happy. Things escalated and soon you guys were fighting all the time...we had to keep you seperated and still you tried to fight through the gates....Oh what a sad time that was too! The decision had to be made and it broke my heart for I loved Samson so much - but he was returned to rescue after almost four months- the best thing for him and still we hurt.

Samson has been gone almost a week now and finally I am beginning to see signs of the old Lil Ben return. Last night you even got in the bed for the first time in months and laid your head on my legs - just like you use to do. You have even started getting up with me each morning again - you will be happy again!

Lil Ben - you are a precious precious member of our family! We love you! Happy Birthday!!!!

Seems like yesterday...

Seems like only yesterday they were chasing each other through the house...laughing and squealing while playing hide & seek. Nanny did her best to keep the house straight but when Ashley and Alex played - look out...there was always a mess and there was always noise...lots of noise... Oh how I long for those days again.

And now the house is quiet - erie quiet. Their rooms are empty - most all of their stuff is gone and never have I felt so out of place in my own home. Is this the way a mom is supposed to feel when her children leave home to start their own adult lives? When does the mom realize that this is the new norm?

When did they grow up? When did I get old? I don't feel old - certainly I am still in my 20s aren't I? How did time pass so quickly? Seems like I blinked and they were grown....

Lord I pray that I have prepared them for this world! Lord I pray that you will keep watch over them as they attempt to conquer life for themselves. Lord I pray that you will keep them focused on your tasks and the future life in heaven. Lord I pray that they will always know that their mother loves them to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond; yesterday, today and tomorrow! Just like your love for us -endless, selfless and eternal - may they remember that you will always be there for them.

And one more thing, Lord, thank you for giving me two awesome kids - You have blessed me so much more than I deserve and I will be eternally grateful!

Now...this old mother will have to find something new to do...until such time that she is needed again.

That special night....

As I sit here reflecting on the past few weeks, I am overcome with emotions! Most of you know that Night in Bethlehem 2010 is over now. After months and months of planning, weeks and weeks of preparing, countless nights spent at the church over the last month, we now can place this years production in the history books of Wilton Baptist Church.

This was our fourth year of telling the wonderful story of the birth of Jesus Christ and in my opinion -our best year yet! The weather was perfect - cold and clear! The cast consisted of God fearing Jesus loving Christians dedicated to following the commands of Go and Tell. The behind the scenes workers were so faithful to the project despite health issues and inconveniences. As the director, I could not ask for more....I love my WBC family!

Each year, I try to see something different in the production so that I walk away more in love with the story than every before. This year was no exception. As I walked through each night, I began to compare the Bethlehem villagers to our modern day folks.

Here are a few of my observations:

1. Bethlehem villagers were hard workers - our nation was built on hard work.

2. Bethlehem villagers worried about paying taxes - don't we do that too?

3. Bethlehem villagers had personal problems - I certainly have my share of those

4. Bethlehem villagers smile and laugh - we do that - thanks to joy in our hearts

5. Bethlehem villagers wanted a savior - so do we.

I guess what I am trying to say is that they were no different from us in ordinary life. Sure we have more conveniences that they did - but they got to live during the time that our precious Jesus was born. Given the choice - which would you choose? Today or then?

I know that I would choose to live then if given the choice. Just the mere re-enactment of that walk to the stable to find Baby Jesus this year brought tears to my eyes. I saw a mother so in love with her child that she glowed! I saw an earthly father protectively strong yet gentle! I saw an a beautiful baby loved by so many! Happy, healthy, loved, precious to all. At that very moment - I knew if I could feel this way about a re-enactment how much more would I feel if I was really there!

Night in Bethlehem 2010 is over but I am so in love with the story that I cant stop telling it! Jesus born in manager on that precious night in Bethlehem - the world would never be the same again! He is indeed the savior of this world. Praise the Lord that the word became flesh and walked among us! Thank you Lord for letting us tell the story again and again!

When the strong cant be strong anymore....

Guess you could say that I am having a day, a week, a month, a year....WOW - the problems of this world have really been coming at me in 2010.....makes we wonder when it will end/why me/how did all of this happen? Questions, Questions - so full of questions and so ready for some good days again.

Now don't get me wrong - I am blessed beyond measure so much more than I deserve. But I was not promised an easy time on this earth and lately I am experiencing quite a bit of it~However, let me thank you Lord for all the blessings you have sent my way and the trials too for they will make me stronger. I humbly approach your throne with thanksgiving!

It is well known that I am the strong/responsible one of my family - the one that must keep it all together....the one that makes sure the bills are paid, the bellies are full, the problem solver - you get the picture. But what happens when I cant be strong anymore? What happens when I hurt? What happens when I cant think clearly? Who or where do I turn for help? When I cant talk to those who are closest to me - where do I go?

The answer is simple - I go to the Lord.....Oh how I have poured my heart out to him in the past few hours, days, weeks, months! I wish that I could say that I have audibly heard his voice but I have not. I do know, though, that he hears my every word....my every fear....my cries and my pain! He NEVER tires of listening to me! He always has time for me! Nothing I tell him goes any further - He does not lie to me!

So on the days when I feel like I just cant do anymore, on the days when my world is crashing down - I spend a little more time praying for me than normal. What a privilege it is to be able to confide in, talk to, love someone who will not hurt me! I find myself digging desperately into his word and apologizing for letting my outside busyness keep me from it as diligently as I use to.

Precious Lord, hear my prayer today - help me to live with the confidence that you want! Help me to live your way - not mine! Heal my heart and hold my hand! Thank you for loving me and listening to me! Thank you for the promise that I will live with you in glory and all will be good!