Turning the page....

To say that life has been difficult in our household over the last few years would be an understatement. To say that we are still blessed beyond measure would also be an understatement. So let me begin by praising God - who gives and takes away BUT never stops loving us.

Many of my postings have been sad lately - this is because I am sad. I know that the Lord tells us to rejoice in all things - I am trying. Believe me - I am trying to rejoice.

Rejoicing in this world is SO VERY HARD. We live in a cruel place. A place where working hard and doing your best does not get you any respect and basically places you as doormat for folks to continue to use you. A place where illness runs rampant and most folks dont care that you are ill or try to help you in any way.

I have been one of those folks in the past - one that is cold, uncaring and judgemental even but I have seen the error of my way. Lord please forgive me for not taking time to check in on folks that I know are hurting whether physically or emotionally. Lord forgive me for placing more stock in myself than I ever should....my stock is worthless without you Lord. Lord - thank you for breaking my heart to get me to see that it is NOT about me at all....

Joy comes in the morning

"The darkest hours means dawn is just in sight. Weeping only last for the night. Hold on my child...JOY COMES IN THE MORNING!"

I have been taking a walk down memory lane these past couple of days and my, oh my, what a year it has been for us! Life keeps throwing us curve balls and we are exhausted. So I thought that if perhaps I wrote most of it down - then the weeping will stop and JOY will come in the morning.

Life changes (that I would not have chosen for us)

Jesse leaving for the Phillippines - mother grieving so. Long distance relationship are just not the same as having one at home!

Darryl's health issues - I cant remember a day this past year that he was feeling well - three hospital stays and a body that will not cooperate any longer like he wants it too. Long suffering and pain - I wish that I could take it away from him.

Major house remodel due to damage from water - huge financial cost to us - with the latest whammy being a check due to the IRS...

Loss of our precious Arthur - during the midst of all the renovations - the very dog that God used to make us a family was taken from us. Oh how our hearts still ache.

Children leaving the nest - this day was always supposed to come but no lie it is hard. The house seems so quiet now.

Looking around our small life - changes have come in our health, our jobs, our church and church family, our home, our families...Some good, some really good, some bad, some really bad!

There are days when I petition the Lord to come on. Then I am reminded that is totally selfish of me. The Lord will come when He is ready and the time is right. He will not put more on us than we can handle and we will remain faithful!

Probably the most comforting verse in the bible to me during the bad times is this..
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Meanwhile.... in the midst of my trials....the Lord is at work! So we will remain faithful, we will praise and give thanks, and we will work until He returns!

No way!!! I'm 48???

OK now - quit playing tricks on me! I am not 48 today - surely I am still 24 or 25....After all, am I not still going strong - running with a million projects? Did I not just dance my heart out and my booty off (OK that is an exaggeration) to the Hustle Bustle as Tammy Naut Baum in the Christmas play? Seriously - when did I get middle age? There is no gray in my hair (thanks to my wonderful stylist)! No one can tell that my cute glasses are bifocals....really 48???? No way - I don't believe it!

I see me as........ wow I am getting old. I am 48 - I have grown children. I am a great aunt. Oh wait - I see wrinkles now - I have always called them love lines...not laugh lines as I got several of them through hard loving times! I see retirement in the future (NO WAY - this cant be on the horizon - not in 20 years)...

All kidding aside - I don't feel 48 (whatever that feels like). I do feel blessed and I must share with you the one thing that I know that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt whether I am 24 or 48 0r 96. Jesus Christ died for me - he is my personal saviour and I have the promise of eternal life with him!

It is my prayer that you know Him too! If you don't, I will be glad to share him with you! His promise is open to all no matter what your age is.

I want to see you in heaven with me - I will still be trying to convince you that I am not 48 and that I am much younger than my birthday reflects. You can laugh with me or at me but it wont matter which because you will be there in heaven with me and that is ALL that matters!!!

So for now - I will be 48 if you let me tell you about my Jesus!

Happy Birthday Lil Ben!

Wow - Lil Ben - you are two years old today! My my - you have seen so much in your two years here... You found a best friend when you came to live with us - Arthur more or less tolerated you but you loved him! All too soon, he departed this life unexpectedly and you were lost for a while! I will never forget the look on your face as you went room to room looking for him....and oh how we still miss him.

Then, we brought Samson home to stay with us - a 6 year old beautiful rescue. I was so sure that you would become best friends...little did I realize at the time that you were miserable from day one. You withdrew from us and anger became part of your everyday life...a side of you that we had not ever seen before. After all, you had always been a very loving dog. Still we tried everything to make our house a home again but you and Samson could not get along. Despite behavior modification and medicines, neither you nor Samson were happy. Things escalated and soon you guys were fighting all the time...we had to keep you seperated and still you tried to fight through the gates....Oh what a sad time that was too! The decision had to be made and it broke my heart for I loved Samson so much - but he was returned to rescue after almost four months- the best thing for him and still we hurt.

Samson has been gone almost a week now and finally I am beginning to see signs of the old Lil Ben return. Last night you even got in the bed for the first time in months and laid your head on my legs - just like you use to do. You have even started getting up with me each morning again - you will be happy again!

Lil Ben - you are a precious precious member of our family! We love you! Happy Birthday!!!!

Seems like yesterday...

Seems like only yesterday they were chasing each other through the house...laughing and squealing while playing hide & seek. Nanny did her best to keep the house straight but when Ashley and Alex played - look out...there was always a mess and there was always noise...lots of noise... Oh how I long for those days again.

And now the house is quiet - erie quiet. Their rooms are empty - most all of their stuff is gone and never have I felt so out of place in my own home. Is this the way a mom is supposed to feel when her children leave home to start their own adult lives? When does the mom realize that this is the new norm?

When did they grow up? When did I get old? I don't feel old - certainly I am still in my 20s aren't I? How did time pass so quickly? Seems like I blinked and they were grown....

Lord I pray that I have prepared them for this world! Lord I pray that you will keep watch over them as they attempt to conquer life for themselves. Lord I pray that you will keep them focused on your tasks and the future life in heaven. Lord I pray that they will always know that their mother loves them to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond; yesterday, today and tomorrow! Just like your love for us -endless, selfless and eternal - may they remember that you will always be there for them.

And one more thing, Lord, thank you for giving me two awesome kids - You have blessed me so much more than I deserve and I will be eternally grateful!

Now...this old mother will have to find something new to do...until such time that she is needed again.