As a result, the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your very soul.” Luke 2:35
After several weeks of practicing in the role of Mary (mother of Jesus) for our Easter drama at church - The Mothers of the Cross - I am convinced that God was chiseling me throughout. In the beginning, I worried that I could not portray well her as she searched for her son, watched in horror as he was beaten, cried till there were no more tears, the reality that her son was going to die and in the cruelest way possible, the humility and desperation that took her breath away. But gradually my worries gave away to fear of disappointing the director (a lovely lady who penned the story late one night); fear of this not being believable to those watch; fear that I would be forever changed. As I went deeper into the character - questions flooded my mind. How did she live through that? At what point was she able to process what had happened? Truly a sword pierced her soul just like it Simeon had said it would.
Each time we practiced together or as I did alone and the new questions and thoughts flooded my mind and the tears flowed freely. The pain was tremendous and I was only playing a part....I can't explain it but it was without a doubt the most difficult scene in my life.
Did I just say that? The most difficult experience of my life??? Really?? I am no stranger to difficulties - growing up without a dad; poor; numerous bad decisions that led to relationships that I show not have been in; a broken marriage; Darryl's illness; Darryl's job loss; loss of loved ones; watching ambulance pull out of the driveway; 7 hospitals stays in less than a year; etc, etc, etc.
Yes it was the most difficult experience of my life and yet it was the most profound one as well. You see God was working on me throughout the entire process - tearing down walls that I had put up to prevent myself from getting hurt any longer. You see there was NO WAY that I could portray Mary in that heart wrenching moment if I had the walls up protecting me from the pain.
Last Sunday night at Wilton Baptist Church in front of a packed crowd - the pain was real, the tears were real, the desperation was real, the soul piercing was real and for the first time in my life I truly understood pain.
Now my pain was a direct result of my choices, my sins, my human faults but Jesus' pain was simply because He loved me (and you) enough to die for us. Plain and simple - horrible conditions and excruciating to watch - He loved us enough to be the sacrifice to atone for our sins...
He suffered, bled, and died.... but three days later HE ROSE! Thank you Jesus for your love for me and for your willingness to die and rise again for me!
I am forever changed!
For those that might be interested in watching....here is the link to the video. The Mothers of the Cross