Thursday, September 20, 2012

My heart just hurts....

I really cant find any words to express what I am feeling other than I hurt.  Plain and simple - I hurt - my hearts hurts for some many reasons right now.  Perhaps writing it down will help.
My hearts hurts:
  • My sweet sweet Annabelle is not  here physically with us.  What a beautiful experience she was and yet I hurt at my selffishness for wanting her here even tough her physical body could not take being here any longer.
  • The love of my life is not on the sidelines for the first time in 17 years - that is where he longs to be and my heart hurts for him. 
  • One knee surgery already and now total knee replacment - my heart hurts for the pain in his body and for his emotion well being during this difficult time.
  • Lil Ball Boy was taken from us way too soon and my heart hurts for that.
  • Emptynest has a whole new meaning now and my heart hurts.
  • Our house is too quiet and my heart hurts.
  • My aging body and a routinue procedure reminds me that I am not invicible and my days are numbered and time is precious - my heart hurts.
  • Our nation is under attack by its own people and the younger generation no longer center around the Lord and my heart hurts.
  • I am tired, so tired, so weary and yet I have to be strong one, the decision maker, the reliable one, the constant and yet my heart HURTS.
So what do I do and where do I go?  Where can I go but to the Lord?  Only HE can truly understand what I am feeling and will listen without judging me.  Perhaps I am being selfish - I dont know but I need rest - the kind that only HE can give!

Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore

In all things, in all times, no matter what - I will trust in the Lord.  Rest will come if not during my time down here, then in the eternal life with Him.  May I keep reminding myself that this is NOT my home....There is coming a tears, no hurts, no pain....Come quickly Jesus!

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