I don't know where to begin to describe what I am feeling at this point in my life except to say that I feel alone...alone - definitely not a place that I find myself too often. But in this chapter of my life, in the midst of my family and friends, my coworkers and others - I feel alone.
I want to scream in anger and push buttons for someone to fight with me. I want to cry myself to sleep and drown in the tears. I want to go to sleep and wake up when this nightmare is over - when things are good again - when that Coach Burns smile is back and it radiates across the room - when the house is filled with laughter - when the memories of better times are enjoyable again and not haunting - when the life was not just something that we must do but something that we loved doing.
Sorry this is so depressing - I am not really depressed just sad. Sad that I cant seem to help; sad that the house is so quiets that it is erie, sad that we are so young and yet we seem so old, sad for the future that might have been..
Where can I turn for some relief? There is only one place - the real thing! The One who will never leave and who might let me bend but not break...Lord - if we ever needed you - it is now.
So I go to your word for help:
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. (Psalm 34:17)
It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33:27)
The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. (Psalm 9:9-10)
I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:8)
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident. (Psalm 27: 1, 3)
I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)
Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. (Psalm 34:10b)
Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Psalm 37:3-5, 7a)
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God. By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his son is with me, a prayer to the God of my life. (Psalm 42: 5,8)
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. (Psalm 46:1-3)
Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings. (Psalm 61:1-4)
My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. (Psalm 62:1-2)
You who live in the shelter of the Most High, who abide in the shadow of the Almighty, will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress; my God in whom I trust." (Psalm 91:1-2)
Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)