Monday, March 19, 2012

What if things dont get better....

I have found myself pondering this question SO much lately. Normally I dont even go near this subject but with the ever increasing changes in our home - I cant help but wonder what if things dont get better?

It seems that Coach Burns has been sick forever - almost all of our married life. In sickness and in health - who would have ever thought that there would be more sickness than good health days - after all - we are still so young - not even 50 yet!

I said those vows - I said that I would be here and I WILL BE HERE but oh my it is so difficult some days. The new normal is nothing like what any girl envisions her life to be. Oh how I long to see that Coach Burns smile on a regular basis again, to laugh with him, go to dinner with him - you know just do the things that normal healthy folks do. We had such big plans - places to go and things to see - illness has stolen that from us.

How do we live like this for the remainder of our time here - only the Lord can show us how. We are not doing a very good job of figuring it out on our own - that is for sure. We keep petitioning the Lord for healing but what if healing does not come until heaven?

As I pray now - I also ask the Lord to take away the anger I have with situation, take away the tears (there really is not time for tears), fill me with compassion, make me content with the situation, overflow my heart with unconditional love daily (like Levi shows us), give me strength to provide for my family. With the Lord, all things are possible - this I know and this I believe.

Precious Lord - I cant do this without you - only you can show us how to live and love in this new normal - give me peace so that I can be the caregiver, provider, supporter, friend, companion and most of all the wife that he needs me to be. Forgive my disbelief at times when I am SO weary and tired....I know you are in control and good things will come when the time is right! Thank you for loving us and saving us and blessing us so. One step at a time - help me with each step....In Jesus name - Amen.

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